I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
