So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
