It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
