there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
