My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
