I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
