I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
