im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
