I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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