all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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