Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
