Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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