found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
