she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
