When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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