um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
