Sponge bath it is.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
