At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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