She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
