Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
third nipple confirmed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
