Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
