He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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