You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
