After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
