We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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