last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
