if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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