Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
