Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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