we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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