I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
