ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
