Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
