She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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