I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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