...so i touched it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
