Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
