Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
