does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
