I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
