tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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