We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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