I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
