How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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