Can i not drive my cunt home
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
