First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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