woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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