We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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