I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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