Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
