Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
