I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
