I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
