Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
