Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
