I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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