I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
