My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
