JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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