so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
sarcasm needs its own font
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
