I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
