I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
