We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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