Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
