Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
