i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
