I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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