using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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