is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
