im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
