I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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