my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
