bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
