U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
