The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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