I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
