I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
